The Richard III Motel: All Rooms Double Occupancy

As Lady Despenser mentioned on her blog a few days ago, Edward II has his very own hotel in San Francisco. But did you know that he’s not the only Plantagenet to have entered the hotel business? Lo and behold, I was flipping through an old book on Richard III this afternoon when this fell into my lap:

With the high importance the medieval world placed on hospitality, it seems quite fitting that at least two American inns should be named for English monarchs, though I’m not entirely sure I’d care for the room service at the Edward II hotel, and I think I’d hesitate before checking in for an extended stay at the Richard III motel. Something tells me the room rates wouldn’t be great at the Henry VII hotel, but the beds would probably be excellent at the Edward IV motel.

Any monarchs you think should join the hospitality business?

23 thoughts on “The Richard III Motel: All Rooms Double Occupancy”

  1. I can offer some suggestions:-)

    Henry VI hotel – staff seem ‘confused’, management constantly arguing with one another, and the hotel struggles to pay its bills. Many problems arise from a failed merger with the Hotel de France.

    Henry VII hotel – you will be billed for every little extra, and there are heavy fines for dirtying the sheets, leaving your cups in the wrong place, etc. May demand you leave your luggage behind as security.

    Richard II hotel – subject to abrupt changes of management. Very grand, it is customary to bow three times to the bed before getting in.

    Edward IV hotel – overrun by ‘ladies of the night.’ Management started well but has grown neglectful of the basics.

    Henry IV hotel – manager came with a high reputation, but staff constantly revolting. Will demand to be paid cash as all sorts of trouble with creditors.

    Edward I hotel – manager domineering with wild bursts of temper that make Basil Fawlty seem restrained. Welsh and Scottish guests will not receive the best rooms.

    Edward II hotel – gay friendly but utterly chaotic due to overbearing assistant manager (Mr Despenser).

    Henry III hotel – fine architecture with many splendid extensions, but customers complain about poor service and idiosyncratic management.

  2. Susan Higginbotham

    Brian, love ’em! (Now I have unerasable images as John Cleese as Edward I in my head.)

    Su, that sounds like a great hotel for a honeymoon!

  3. Edward I hotel would be perpetually on the verge of offering you very wonderful, very expensive services, but then be prevented by sudden even-more-expensive litigious squabbles with the neighbours.

    Edward II’s rooms would be fairly shabby, except for one or two wonderfully appointed chambers which would mysteriously never be available except to certain select persons, who would be attended personally by the owner. Occupants of other rooms may find themselves abruptly kicked out to suit the whims of the special guests.

    Edward III’s would be highly elaborate and operate a wonderful advertising campaign, all rooms beautifully done up just the way the guests liked them. Breakfast and bedclothes, however, are a privilege which must be earned anew every day.

    Richard I’s hotel would never be there.

    Henry II’s would be enormous and rich, rambling all over massive grounds and with many extensions built on at odd angles, hastily and without proper architectural integrity. Due to the size, each wing would be run by a different manager, who would get into violent arguments with each other over who gets your custom. Midnight abduction from one wing to the next would not be uncommon.

    Charles I’s would be overrun with soldiers in the middle of the night.

  4. Oh, and Henry VI’s would be run by a very earnest, well-intentioned manager who nevertheless always failed to do anything right. It would be sadly shabby and run-down, but the adjoining chapel would be magnificent. Staff turnover would be very high.

  5. What a great post – and comments too! LOL!!

    Ethelred the Unready – Beds unmade, no-one on reception and you have to wait 3 hours for dinner to be cooked.

    Edward the Confessor – the manager follows you around the hotel pointing out all of it’s faults and then doing penance for them.

    Oliver Cromwell (OK, not strictly a monarch, but humour me) – All guests must be back by curfew (which will be set by the manager). No laughing, singing, dancing or any other pleasurable activities allowed – spare time must be spent praying.

  6. Maud, Eleanor and Isabella Joint Venture: Caters only to women of feminist inclination, men won’t get a room there, except a certain Roger.

    Hotel Augustus: Has the best wellness area in town, but is haunted by nightly cries of, “Varus, give me back my legions.”

    Hotel Nero: Fine entertainment, often by the owner himself, but you may find yourself waken in the middle of the night, facing some pointy pila.

    Hotel Hadrian: Sorry, the owner is traveling the known world and can’t be held responsilbe for the mess in the dining room.

    Hotel Maximinus Thrax: I’m afraid there is no wine left, the owner drank all of it.

  7. Hotel Mary Tudor: Sorry but our Calais premises will be closed for an indefinite period due to French intrangency.

  8. Hotel Robert the Bruce: Lovely views over the pituresque Bannockburn. English guests more than welcome.

  9. You mean to tell me that the spider story is untrue! That is the last time I will believe a legendary fact again. 🙁

  10. Hotel James 1: Im coming home I’ve done my time, and I’ve got to know what is and isn’t mine. James 1st of Scotland ,bye the way.

  11. These are priceless. My favourite so far is Brian’s “…overbearing assistant manager (Mr Despenser)”. I can’t compete 🙂

  12. Jocky apoogises unreservedly, but I love this blog. Historians should never agree on anything ,it is ‘ another country’ I promise I will never over indulge in the Burgundy again. Hiya Su, What is the difference between a historical novelist and a historian? Speculation, guesswork, or pure fantasy. Well historians should never get in the way of the facts 🙂

  13. A desripton of Richard the third we actually have, no mention of a hunchback, Von Poppleau is surely not ignoring the elephant in the room, this evidence has got to be as good as Rouse’s, w2ho actually, as far as as I am aware , never met Richard personally.He was not a huchback, but that does not mean he was not a savage.

  14. This was not a war between good and evil, this was about survival. Richard was in a life or deeath situation. What do you do? I am not a Richardian or a member of the white boar society , but there was no way out for Richard. I read your blog about the Woodvilles, but could it not be that Anthony fucked up ? Why do we not accept as historians that Richard was in an impossible situaton, lets face it we all are.

  15. How did you do that? I am sure Sue is quite capable of defending herself. Do you believe that disagreement means unfriendliness? Richard the third is always going to cause controversy, history means disagreement. Do you think a blog means we should we should all be superfriendly. History is about disagreement, not a cosy club, but I do agree, Richard done them in. Love from Jocky.

  16. Elizabeth I Hotel: Commoners treated well and will be greeted by Good Queen Bess herself. Free meals, generally but the entire family may not be permitted to sit at table due to Her Grace’s attempts to keep within the royal budget!

    The noble and wealthy however will have to supply own bedding and extras as well as a gift to their royal hostess to earn her good graces.

    Also all guests will be expected to rise early to join her majesty for a brisk morning walk in the gardens. Queen Elizabeth is well-known for rising early and retiring late: those guests fond of dancing will be encouraged to do so until rather late in the evening. The Queen also loves hunting, hawking, and archery and guests are encouraged(required)to take part in these pursuits on the hotel’s extensive grounds.

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