Thanks to Gabriele, instead of spending lunchtime patiently fact-checking and proofreading the final draft of the Buckingham novel, I’m doing this meme. Pick 10 characters at random, then answer how they will react in various given situations. So here goes, courtesy of my Buckingham novel:
1. Katherine Woodville, Duchess of Buckingham
2. Anne Neville, Duchess of Gloucester, later Queen of England
3. Elizabeth Woodville, Queen of England
4. Richard Neville, Earl of Warwick
5. Henry Stafford, Duke of Buckingham
6. William, Lord Hastings
7. Edward IV
8. Robert Stillington, Bishop of Bath and Wells
9. George, Duke of Clarence
10.Richard, Duke of Gloucester, later King Richard III
4 invites 3 and 8 to dinner at their house. What happens?
Warwick says to Elizabeth Woodville, “Hey, sorry that I offed your father and your brother, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do, you know?” Warwick then says to Stillington, “Hey, you haven’t performed any secret marriages I might want to know about, have you?” An uneasy silence descends, broken only by the arrival of a lot of meat, which fortunately keeps everyone occupied for the rest of the evening.
9 tries to get 5 to go to a strip club. What happens?
Harry agrees to George’s invitation, but he really wishes that Richard was the one who was taking him. Actually, he really wishes that Richard was the one stripping. Oh, my.
You need to stay at a friend’s house for a night. Who do you choose: 1 or 6?
Depended on whether I wanted to sleep in a comfy bed (Katherine) or get lucky (Hastings). Come to think of it, with Hastings I’d have a chance to do both. So, sorry, Kate–I’ll have to go with Hastings. (Can you say “cougar”?)
2 and 7 are making out. 10 walks in. What is their reaction?
Having caught his wife and his brother Edward making out, Richard cries, “Ned! This is all the doing of the vile Woodvilles, isn’t it? How they have corrupted you!” Then after a beat, he asks, “This does mean you’re going to give me a larger share of the Warwick lands, right?”
3 falls in love with 6. 8 is jealous. What happens?
Elizabeth Woodville in love with William Hastings, and Stillington jealous! Well, Elizabeth and William poison Edward IV, in hopes of marrying, but before they can do so, jealous Stillington persuades Gloucester to cut William’s head off for treason. There might be a journal article here, “The Events of 1483: A New Explanation,” come to think of it . . .
4 jumps you in a dark alleyway. Who comes to your rescue: 10, 2, or 7?
Well, after Warwick jumps me, I’m not sure that his daughter Anne would be of much help, and Richard is probably too busy plotting to seize the throne to really care. So Edward IV comes to my rescue, probably in the hopes of getting lucky.
1 decides to start a cooking show. Fifteen minutes later, what is happening?
Kate very sensibly decides to call in a guest hostess, Anne, Duchess of Gloucester, who demonstrates the recipes she learned while George was hiding her in the cookshop.
3 has to marry either 8, 4, or 9. Whom do they choose?
Elizabeth Woodville has to marry Stillington, Warwick, or Clarence? She marries Stillington secretly, and they have a son, named Perkin Warbeck.
7 kidnaps 2 and demands something from 5 for 2’s release. What is it?
Edward IV kidnaps Anne and tells Buckingham that he’ll release her if he just shuts up about wanting his Bohun lands and some more responsibility.
Everyone gangs up on 3. Does 3 have a chance in hell?
Oh, yes! Elizabeth will just make everyone kneel before her.
Everyone is invited to 2 and 10’s wedding except for 8. How do they react?
Stillington doesn’t get invited to Richard and Anne’s wedding? He starts a rumor that the Woodvilles intercepted his wedding invitation.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Hastings afraid of Edward IV? Sounds like Jane Shore was a little indiscreet about the day Jane Shore paid a visit to Hastings at the mint “just to see how the coinage is made.”
1 arrives late for 2 and 10’s wedding. What happens, and why were they late?
Kate is late to Richard and Anne’s wedding? Well, in my novel, Kate is busy primping in hopes of getting lucky with her husband Harry and loses track of the time. Were I writing the Ricardian Novel to End All Ricardian Novels, though, Kate would be delayed by her inability to find the toad needed to cast a spell on the happy couple.
5 and 9 get roaring drunk and end up at your house. What happens?
Buckingham and Clarence get roaring drunk? Aside from ending up at my house, this actually does happen in my Buckingham novel, so I’m going to make you wait until around 2010 to find out. I’m so mean.
9 murders 2’s best friend. What does 2 do to get back at them?
Clarence murders Anne’s best friend? Well, Anne tells her brother-in-law Edward IV, “You know, I’m really getting tired of Clarence, aren’t you? Have you ever thought of drowning him in a vat of malmsey?”
6 and 1 are in mortal peril and only one of them can survive. Does 6 save themself or 1?
Hastings and Katherine in mortal peril? Hey, Hastings is a gentleman, and he would of course save the lady. But he might try to get lucky first.
8 and 3 go camping. For some reason they forgot to bring along any food. What do they do?
Ah, Elizabeth Woodville and Stillington on a camping trip. But they did remember to bring servants, who make a quick run to the store! So pretty soon, they’re happily toasting marshmallows together, never fear.
5 is in a crash and is critically injured. What does 9 do?
Clarence, seeing Harry’s misfortune, calls for wine and gives a little to the injured Harry until help arrives. Then he drinks the rest himself, telling himself that he deserves a little something to calm his nerves.