Historical Stocking Stuffers

So what are some famous folk (and some lesser known beings) asking for as Christmas presents? Fellow blogger Nan Hawthorne and I have devoted some thought to this burning question:

Ethelred the Unready — a day planner

Alfred the Great – an oven timer

Aethelflaed, Lady of the Mercians – for Bernard Cornwell to get me right in his novels

Harold Godwinson – Edward the Confessor’s will in writing.. or not

Godiva of Coventry – super hold hair spray

Offa of Mercia – a really butch dyke

Ivar the Boneless – need you ask?

Aethelwald, son of Ethelred – primo genitor.

Lawrence of Críslicland – for a certain Breton mercenary to take a long walk off a short pier

William Rufus — A new archery set.

Edward I: Scotland.

Piers Gaveston: Just something handmade. No, really! Well . . . if you insist, jewels are always appropriate.

Isabella of France: My jewels back.

Hugh le Despenser the younger: Whatever someone else is getting.

Roger Mortimer: Hugh on a platter.

Edward II: Fodor’s Guide to Italy. Or some Sears Craftsman tools . . . or a craftsman.

Edward III: France.

Edward IV: Getting to Yes.

Elizabeth Woodville: An agreeable second husband who will be nice to my large family.

Richard, Duke of Gloucester: Something round and gold and shiny that fits nicely on my head.

Henry Tudor: Something round and gold and shiny that fits nicely on my head.

Margaret Beaufort: Only the best for my darling, sweet Henry.

Elizabeth of York: My mother-in-law to go on a long pilgrimage. Preferably to the Holy Land.

Henry VIII: 6 free sessions of marriage counseling.

Anne Boleyn: Morning sickness.

Katherine Howard: Someone around my own age to pal around with.

Katherine Parr: Widow’s weeds.

Boswell the cairn terrier: Mom to get off her duff and take me for a walk.

Ginny, Onslow, and Stripes: A wing chair apiece so we don’t have to share them with those presumptuous two-legged beasts and that irritating dog.

Happy holidays, all, and thanks for suggesting this, Nan!

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7 Responses to Historical Stocking Stuffers

  1. The Tome Traveller says:

    This is SO TRUE! What a great list.

    I just found out that I will be getting The Traitor’s Wife for review, I can’t wait to read it!

    Have a wonderful holiday season,

    Carey

  2. Mimi says:

    Bwahahahahahahahaha! I love it!

  3. Susan Higginbotham says:

    Thanks, and happy holidays to both of you!

  4. Nan Hawthorne says:

    These were a hoot to do.. I have a couple more than Susan’s list.. and a couple fewer.. take a look.. http://nanhawthorne.blogspot.com .

    She had to explain one of hers to me, so feel free to ask me what the obscure joke is on mine…

    Nan
    hawthorne@nanhawthorne.com

  5. Nan Hawthorne says:

    How lovely.. the word verification on my earlier post was “humber”.. the River Humber forms the northern border of my fictional kingdom Críslicland! If it does Welland this time I will freak out.

  6. Gabriele C. says:

    ROFLOL

    Couldn’t resist to play along.

  7. Carla says:

    Great! Best wishes for Christmas and the New Year.